16-01-09 (Friday) "Starting From Scratch..."

Its actually midnight now so its Friday already.

At prayer meet last night, it occurred to me how I'll be starting all over again in Canberra just like when I went to Singapore 2 years ago. Except that this time... There won't even be people I know like Chen Pong and Gareth there. Geoffrey... Kinda lost contact with him for quite a while already so... yeah.

THAT BOY'S SO CUTE I WANNA PINCH HIS CUTE LITTLE CHICKY MEATY CHEEKS!!! *PINCH**PINCH*

I was thinking of how it felt like back in Singapore in January 2007. I didn't know anyone in school except my roommates, went church-hopping, got to know some people but didn't really get to KNOW anyone, know what I mean?
Then... I settled down in CMC. Other than Jene, Doris and Donald and wife, I barely knew anyone. Thank GOD He made me stick. No. No voices or stuff. It was just this feeling inside that went like "This is it... Here you're gonna stay for the next two years..."
So I did. And for the first year, I recall how tough it was going to church every week, trying to get some conversation going with others, constantly ending up with awkward silences, then either the other person walks off or I suddenly need to pee.

I wasn't exactly comfortable with that feeling cos back here in GMC, we were all so friend friend, so joke here and there. (Guess I know what the ppl we always left out were feeling...) Went on for almost the whole year. Yes, the leaders (Rulin, Pao Yin, Shaun, Neale...) talked to me and made things more bearable. But once again... Thank God He made me still EAGER to go to church every Sunday. It really is more about Him than myself, right?
Even joining the Godsrockers (Music team for youth side) didn't integrate me in fully. I had that feeling that 'these ppl r reli gd... MAN haf I got lots of work to do'. Feeling rather inadequate cos' of my 'inferiority' compared to other musicians. :P Of cos... In my weakness, GOD is made strong. Glad all that took place la.
The turning point came in Dec '07. Joined Youth Camp 07 ~ "I Am". I was telling myself, "This is it! Either you use this camp to get to know ppl or you're gonna be an outcast for the coming year! So... Since everyone felt so open and fun and campy during camp, I really just went up to anyone who seemed to NOT be in a big group and their cliques and did all the "A/S/L" kinda thing we did in mIRC last time except that I DIDN'T ask for their age... or their sex(duh...) or... where they were then. Got to know lotsa ppl.
Heading to church became a LOT more enjoyable after that. I didn't exactly have a clique, cos uh... I think the cliques then still existed. I just popped here and there. So many characters you see in different ppl. So interesting...
But I still say every camp and event, I got to know even more ppl even better. Church camp 08, one of the persons I recall getting to know only by then was... STACEY!! Hahah... Yeah. Fun. Then... Youth Camp 08 ~ For Real. I think I never got to be as close to most of the ppl until then. Seriously. Funny how you get to leave everyone behind RIGHT AFTER you get to be so close to them. Yes... All the tears... Sad embraces... God has His timing and I have to say now and even back then, "It is perfect."
I still think back and cannot help but be amazed at how amazing and awesome God is, having planned EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP and SITUATION in His time, for everything to unravel in His time, for every lesson to be learnt in His time.
In less than a month's time, I'll be counting on God to lead me through all that excitement and experiences AGAIN! Its really a bout of mixed feelings right now. Excited to meet new friends and to experience a new surrounding yet... Intimidated by the possible time period of loneliness and seclusion. But whatever happens... I have this one thing, which was further convicted in me at Youth Convention 08, I'd like to remind you all out there...
Church, get rid of this thing called 'cliques'. ESPECIALLY the young ones, youth or children alike. God asked us to 'love our NEIGHBOURS', not just the ppl who have the same age as us, or the ppl who go to the same school, or ppl who play the same sport, or ppl who r in the music team... Remember the feeling back in primary school on the first day of school. Remember the loneliness. Remember the longing to belong. Yes, coming to church is supposed to be mainly about worshiping God but obeying God is DEFINITELY a way to worship Him.

"Joy unspeakable that won't go away
And just enough strength to live for the day
So I never have to worry what tomorrow will bring
Cos' my faith is on solid rock, I am counting on God"
~ Counting on God
Desperation Band