28-12-29 (Monday) "Gluttony"

Christmas was spent back in Sarikei, place of origin of dad, and then in Sibu, mom's place. Its nice to spend some time back with the relatives once more, especially with the grandies.

This trip back got me even less liking of overeating. I had to go through quite a fair bit of this in my short stay back, which wasn't the pleasantEST of experiences but... You know how its like with grandparents. =\

Eating till one is full is definitely fine by me but when it gets to the point of feeling bloated and STILL shoving it in, I think its just plain wrong. To eat till one is full is more than enough for one's survival. To eat beyond that is just wasting food as the utility gained is pretty much negative already and it does not contribute to a healthy lifestyle nor survival. It is as much of a waste as throwing it away, it appears to me now. Just think of the plenty of ppl out thr who're struggling jz to GET RID OF THE FEELING OF HUNGER... And I'm suffering from too MUCH food. Felt so guilty stuffing myself there back home. Will stop it from now on. *Repentant & determined grin*

If only... The food that I DON'T overeat on could somehow be channeled to those in needy countries... Hmmmm......

Going back to kampung really brings one back to the reality of the bare necessities of human survival. Its really just water, food, lodging and company. Water doesn't have to be sweet nor unique, just clean from bacteria; food doesn't have to be tender and juicy, just cooked and edible; showering water doesn't have to be warm and lovely, just to have water is more than enough... Anything beyond those is just plain luxury. Makes me count all my blessings that I have all around. =)

Awaiting
Anyway... Hols coming to an end soon for me. Looking forward to the start of the new year and new academic year!!

I've thought of some things to achieve this coming year.
Have you? You still have the next 3 days! =)

21-12-09 (Monday) "God loves... you??"

Been listening to some Christmas songs over the last few days. I somehow miss the atmosphere in Singapore over Christmas, how everyone gets all Christmas moodyish n… its just so Christmas.

I recall the song saying that “Christmas isn’t Christmas till it happens in your heart” and also that Christmas is about giving. I realize that Christmas over the past decade has mostly been about receiving more than giving. I guess I still haven’t experienced a REAL Christmas yet.
But yeah… I just miss that Christmassy feeling, even if there’s no snow outside, no turkey roasting in the oven…

Since I’m talking about this… I think back upon the OCF Convention a week back and about this video we watched of the pastors in Singapore repenting publicly on behalf of their nation for mistreating foreigners in their country during the Global Day of Prayer.

*Sparkle*
All this while I’ve been telling myself that God loves me so much and telling others tha God loves them. I hafta keep telling myself often times that no matter what I’ve done, God still loves me. That His love is greater than any love I will EVER know or experience. And it is ONLY bcos of that love of God’s that I can love others.

However, it is only then that I realized… God loves others AS MUCH as He loves me!! No matter what they’ve done, God loves them the same!! I mean… Sure I knew that. But I never realized the truth of that till that moment. Its like… Actually, I can’t think of any analogies. :S I’m sure you know what I mean.

The gravity of that fact made me realize how much God WANTS others to know that they ARE loved and that He longs for their love back towards Him! Don’t you know that feeling? The feeling you get when you’re in love with someone and you wonder whether s/he feels the same towards you and you just wish it was happening both ways?

18-12-09 (Friday) "For Him"

Made For Him.

Hence,

Living For Him.

Cut down on living for self, thinking of self.

=)

16-12-09 (Wednesday) "Airports"

To me, this is what airports are.

The interval between one chapter of life and the next. It is at airports that we say our goodbyes to certain characters in our lives as we discover other new characters elsewhere.

It is where we temporarily physically lose someone dear to us, who has been there for us and around us for the past period of time, no matter how long it is.

It is the starting point of the test of relationships, whether the physical and geographical distance would be stronger than the bond that was forged in the short time together.

It is the period of suspense when one has pretty much left one place but has yet to see what is on the other page. That short pause is filled with anticipation and excitement, mixed with feelings of sadness and missing people.

It is... Quite a lonely and quiet place to be in despite the hustling crowd around. Especially when the trip is made alone.

16-12-09 (Tuesday) "Relationships"

Just got back from KL/Melaka/KL just now.

This trip was a bit of a 1st time for me not bcos of Melaka. This trip was the first time I had to bid farewell to 2 separate groups of companions almost back-to-back. First it was the pals that I've made in OCF Convention, followed by my pals from back in VH in Singapore.

Having sent them(VH pals) off by 1pm, I headed to LCCT to waste away the 6 hours to my flight. You know how when you just have so much free time, with no one to msg, no one to call, no one to chat with... Well... I just couldn't think of anyone then, at least... Anyway, what I was gonna say was that... In moments like those, one starts to think about life.

That moment being an emo moment... I recalled the times that I have wept/cried/felt sad in the past. I realize that most of them were for people. For the sake of relationships. I recall having cried back in primary school when this dear teacher moved 2 another place. Can't rmb who she is now, tho. Then there was the Youth Convention - AG Flame leaving... Then... all those camp goodbyes... Apphia... Leaving Singapore... Leaving Canberra...

Its always been concerning people. Relationships. Never about things. If there was ever, it'd be bcos that something reminded me of someone greatly.

Life IS a lot about the relationships that take place, no? That's why I really thank God for all the friends that He has blessed me with wherever I go. I especially felt that throughout this trip in West Malaysia. =)

Dunno whether u all noticed by now yet or not... Hmmm...

02-12-09 (Wednesday) "Chapters"

I was going through my treasure chest of memories this morning. I looked through all those cards that I received in the past.

stuff from Form 4, I think
I find it really cool how every phase of my life is like a chapter of a book, written with unerasable ink. Each chapter brought with it new twists and turns, new developments in my life. And all this under the control and within the plan of God. As each chapter ends with great memories, another one starts with a whole new dimension of unforged incidents.

Gifts and cards from Form 5
I also thought about how Galatians 6:7b is played out throughout my life. There were times when I would bless others and in return be blessed greatly... And of course there were times when I sow bitterness and be returned the same. Of course, I'd like to focus more on the positive side of things so... yeah.

Singapore
I've learnt that the truth of that saying is so... smack-in-the-face! You wanna be blessed? Bless. You wanna make friends? Be friendly. You wanna be trusted? Practise integrity.

3 separate chapters.
Also, I realize that all the people and incidents along my life have inevitably shaped me into who I am right now(and STILL ARE shaping me...). And I thank God for all of them. Always.

All those tags collected along the way...

I found some primary school exercise books.
I didn't realize I knew stuff like 天有不测之风云，人有旦夕之祸福 and 座无虚席.
My goodness. I barely even know what they mean now. Heheh.

"A man reaps what he sows."
~ Galatians 6:7b
The Bible (NIV)

27-11-09 (Friday) "Smell Your Own"

Can I just say... It feels GREAT to be back home. Now, as I think of my home country, I am reminded of this commercial in Singapore.

Most of the time, it is not JUST the good things that make you miss someone/thing. Coming back home, I realize that I even miss all the dirty and worn out toilets in town, the small(er) shopping complexes, the lack in variety of shops and even the low level of hygiene at eateries around Miri. Those are what make Miri home to me.

In the same way, I think of how we tend to talk bad abt the ppl in our lives, how they annoy us, the petty little things they do that just bothers the pee out of us. When we separate for a while, those are the very things that we miss the most.

On another note, I was thinking of sth "coincidentally" in the toilet. Our faeces doesn't smell as bad as others' faeces. Ever realized that?

Same thing: When 2 parties do sth wrong, ourselves and someone else... The other person's wrong thing is usually wrongER than ours. Or... At least it SEEMS that way, eh? I think the problem is that we don't like to see the bad thing in us surfacing in someone else such that it kinda reflects us.

Big banana. BIGNANA!!
So, I think we should try to work hard on ourselves rather than start placing judgment and destructive criticism on others. Bear with me, I am working on it as well.

God has everything in control and His timing is really absolutely perfect. =)

26-11-09 (Thursday) "Greatest Club In The World?"

Sorry Liverpool fans... I just had to post this. Saw this off a friend's friend's pic in Facebook. =P

Pretty smart stuff, whoever came up with this... Heheh...

25-11-09 (Wednesday) "2012"

"who is this that rises like the Nile,
like rivers of surging waters,
She says, 'I will rise and cover the earth;
I will destroy cities and their people.'
Charge, O horses!
Drive furiously, O charioteers!
March on, O warriors -
men of Cush and Put who carry shields,
men of Lydia who draw the bow.
But that day belongs to the Lord, the LORD Almighty-
a day of vengeance, for vengeance on his foes.
The sword will devour till it is satisfies,
till it has quenched its thirst with blood..."
~ Jeremiah 46:7-10a
The Bible (NIV)

That was the passage that kept going thru my mind as I watched the movie. Well... not exactly this passage but one of these passages which carries the same theme.

Armies and military strength stand useless against God. Pretty evident through this movie, don't you think so?

I like how the movie makes me think: What will I be like when the end of the world comes? Will I still be frantically striving to save my life when I know I can't make it, like those who were trying to run away from a tidal wave? More importantly, when the end arrives... Will I be letting go easily? Or would I have gathered so much on earth that I just don't wanna leave yet?

I like Adrian's father's approach to life, that its d ppl n relationships in life that matter more. =)

Hope you watch and enjoy the show too. But even more, I hope you leave the cinema thinking about stuff. =)

23-11-09 (Monday) "1Malaysia"

Finally... Home... Its been... 40 weeks and 6 days...

I'm glad to be back.

Back to the land of squatting toilets.

Missing those corridors actually...
Back to having to pay for entry to toilets in public areas.

To undrinkable tap water.

To where the colours of the birds around are just limited to black or brown.

To where the coins aren't so massive they tear the coin compartment in my wallet apart every. single. time.

Back to having fixed time. The hours don't change every half a year.

To where practically everyone speaks at least 2 languages and many speak 3 or more languages (including dialects), not to mention the dozen dialects that're spoken all over the place.

To where we don't bother with proper English. We somehow understand broken English better. Better yet... Throw in all the other languages/dialects/expl*tives to make it clearer.
"Eh, this one you sure boleh ah? Cannot simply one, you know. You say one ah? Cincai la..."

"&^!#(^!$"
To the place where there are 2 options to cleaning up after some massive bodily disposal in the toilet. Its tissues or water hoses with high pressured water. "Brrrr...."

It just feels awesome to be back home after all this while...

"This is 1Malaysia."

... And for more than this one reason... ;)

21-11-09 (Saturday) "Gone"

Tomorrow... I head back home to Malaysia.

I look back on the past 10 months and think of all that's been said and done...

And I thank God.

I thank God for the chance to rediscover myself in a new place.

I thank God for revealing Himself to me in a new place.

I thank God for the many new influences He's put in my life over here.

I thank God for has been and what could've been.

I thank God that much that seemed unlikely to happen, I have been given the privilege to try out.

I thank God for teaching me lots and lots, day by day.

Most of all... I thank God for Life. I thank God that I am still alive.