Tuesday, September 13, 2016

13-9-16 (Tuesday) "The other side of LDR"

We've all heard the familiar stories
Flinders St Station, Melbourne - A meeting/parting point.
"My boyfriend is back home in X country. It's really hard. We chat super early in the morning or at random times."

"We only get to see each other once a year."

"I wish we were like you, together every day."

Long-distance relationships (LDR) have been a well-known challenge of a relationship for those who live with it. The chances are you've heard many stories of an LDR couple, all the more so with the globalisation and far-travelling of everyone around the world. It almost sounds like there is nothing but bad news for anyone in an LDR. Makes one wonder why ANYONE would want to be involved in LDR at all. Just ask many of those in LDR

I don't need to tell you more sad stories. With the benefit of hindsight, I'd like to share some of the benefits of LFR that are less- or never mentioned.

1. More aware of immediate surroundings
See your surroundings.
Couples tend to always spend time together. When they're awake, they meet up for brekkie, lunch and dinner. They go to classes together, sports, exercise... The list goes on. Couples tend to get fixated with the significant other that they lose out on what is happening around them.

"If s/he's not going, I won't go too, as I've to got to keep her/him company." Familiar? How many opportunities were passed up just to be with the other, not necessarily doing anything better?

We found it especially helpful to be involved with church or ministry opportunities without the other person around as we have more free time than if we were in the same physical place.

2. More time for developing personal life and identity
When introducing A & B, who are a couple, we always introduce them something like this:
"Joseph, meet A. A, Joseph. This is B, A's bf/gf".

One's identity becomes intertwined with the other's. I think this point is especially applicable for individuals 20yo and younger. They end up defining themselves as the significant other (SO) of the other person and without the other person, it's almost as if one's identity is incomplete. I think there's a great danger in that A becomes overly dependent on B's existence to define themselves that they don't get to understand how they themselves operate and function.

What do you enjoy?
What sports/hobbies do I enjoy on my own?
Do I really like these activities/food/movie?
What do I find restful?
Who are my friends? MY friends, who would hang out with me, not us.

Many more questions that can be asked.

I don't have a problem with that if they're married but in the "not-available-but-not-officially-committed" stage of dating/courtship, that is a hard one.

3. Better and more deliberate use of actual time together
When you don't get every evening or every other evening together, you plan your time and make use of it better. Well, at least you should. You don't waste time on your phones with others or playing games, unlike those who are together every day. You actually stare at each other and chat, since you don't have tomorrow or the next whole month/year together.

Erene and I had a week or two in the times that we met up in 2012 and tried our best to do meaningful stuff together and had things to talk about and learn of each other in that time. The latter applies only to couples who have not gotten to know each other well, of course.

Sometimes, I think that those who are together everyday might know each other's habit better but not know their personalities as well.

4. Lesser temptation
I say "lesser" because temptation isn't just physical. Much can still take place in the mind but at least there isn't the likelihood of "accidentally" doing stuff that you aren't supposed to. That said, there is a greater need for clear and explicit boundaries for the times when you are together as there is the potential for thoughts of "making up for lost time" and other silliness to take root.
Tempatations, temptations.

5. You don't take each other's presence and time for granted.
This sounds similar to point no 3 but this is more with an eternal perspective in mind.

Everyone's gonna die someday.
The journey ends somewhere.
As couples, the tendency is to continue living everyday as if we'll have tomorrow, next week or next year with the other around but unfortunately, that is not the case all the time. S/he could pass away today or at 80 years old. Only God knows.

LDR causes one to live with the reality that you will not see the other for a period. In effect, living without the person around. This helps one appreciate the life that God has given them.

In conclusion, whether you start off in an LDR or are moving into LDR, you should and will learn how to adapt to it. I must admit, it was most likely easier for us, starting off in LDR, which means we didn't have to change any expectations or routines as those moving into it would. I have no basis for comparison but logically, it sounds right. I do acknowledge that it is harder with LDR in certain aspects but it can end up being blown to greater proportions than it should be.

Your perception of the size of everything depends on your perspective.
On another note, I speak of this LDR only for the courtship/dating period. I do not think LDR is helpful or practical for the married couple, based on my experience so far. Circumstances can dictate for it to happen but I would definitely NOT recommend that it be continued in that manner.


I am definitely not encouraging LDR just for the sake of it. I am only saying that LDR is not all doom & gloom and that with God's help, it can work. just approach it with realistic and practical expectations.


Let me know what you think. :)

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

“Different Beauties”

My grandma is a bit reluctant when it comes to taking pictures. Her reason being that we all look so nice but she looks so rugged and dirty.

The fact still stays that her children and grandchildren STILL want to take pictures with her NO MATTER how she looks. They like her just the way she is! *cues Bruno Mars* This just reminds me of the verse from Proverbs 20:29.

The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.

There IS a certain splendor to the way grandies look. All the wrinkles… The graying, or even WHITING hair… The dentures… The bent posture… It all tells of how much they have been through and how much wisdom they can impart to us.

20-7-16 (Wednesday) "The Reached Reaching Out"

 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” ~ Romans 10:14-15

It's been a while.

Many things have changed since the last time but there is one thing in particular I'd like to share.

My wife and I have been heavily involved with the Mandarin Bible Fellowship here in Canberra since its inception in February 2015. There have been many ups and downs.

One particular "down" to the ministry is seemingly not seeing results from it. We invest much time, effort and energy into weekly preparations and gatherings, praying for them, organising activities and reading the Bible with them. However, many listen and do not come to believe. Some who believed or who have come to believe do not seem to show fruit in their lives, which makes us question their belief. The challenge for us here is to trust that only God can do the work and He knows the best timing for things to happen. Our role is only to preach the Good News to them and to preach it faithfully and continuously.

Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest. Even now the one who reaps draws a wage and harvests a crop for eternal life, so that the sower and the reaper may be glad together. Thus the saying ‘One sows and another reaps’ is true. I sent you to reap what you have not worked for. Others have done the hard work, and you have reaped the benefits of their labor.” ~ John 4:35-38

Just today, we had our Market Day. You can think of it as our recruitment drive, really. The day we set up a stall (a table and two chairs, among many other table and two chairs of other clubs) and talk to students who pass by.

The harvest was ripe indeed, with many students showing keen interest in our gathering (or maybe just the free snacks we were providing. Doesn't matter.).

What was even greater to observe was how the students that we've been spending time with come alongside us and talk to new students about coming to join our group! I listened in on a conversation and heard about how one student (a.k.a someone-who-I-deemed-the-least-likely-evangelist) talk to other students about the group and very convincingly invited them to come along to the group. And he wasn't even a believer at this point! Soon, he was joined in by another girl who was fairly new to the group (not a believer too) and she was chiming in on why this new person should come along.

I was washed over with feelings of great happiness seeing their actions and words and how God had been working in their lives. God does do great things in various ways. In various, unexpected ways.

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation.